For the past days, weeks, maybe even months my personal views have changed deeply. Many times during our travels I have been asking myself what we were doing. Why were we here or there (and not „at home“ aka in Germany with our family)? When I was in the moment there was many times pure happiness. I enjoyed many anecdotic moments with my husband and son or people we’ve met. I have looked at pretty landscapes, we’ve walked through some picturesque villages. We had moments of love and moments of many other emotions…but one night I woke up and as so often many thoughts came to my mind. This time it was different. Deeper. I started looking at things with a new, sharper perspective. A while ago, when I was walking along the beach in the marshlands I had kind of an awakening when the thought of no stalls, no fences for animals pictured on the whole world came to my mind. I was like „Oh, what are we doing!“ This thought stayed with me over weeks and it kept coming back into my thoughts over and over again. It wasn’t only about the animal world that we keep hostage, it was even more about this change in my perspective that moved me and still is.
This very early morning when I woke up the old thought grow even bigger.
When I was looking for a fruit and vegetable market the day before I had realized that those markets were only to be found in a village close by to the east but not for a long strip on the coast heading west. Why? The answer came suddenly in my early morning’s reflexion. From the place we were staying to the west there are no old villages but only „villages“ of holiday homes. So years ago this whole region must have been deserted and pure nature. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not against building houses for people to live in at beautiful places. But holiday homes. This houses with their pools, gardens and – fences are only being used for some weeks, let it be some months per year. The rest of the time they are just there and taking space from what wants to live – plants, animals and last but not least humans. Honestly, what are we doing to the planet?
I guess this is hard to see if it hasn’t come to you yet as naturally as it came to me that night. I have read about „awakenings“ like this so many times, I understood but I didn’t see it. Now I know.
And this freaks me out. It’s thrilling. I can’t close my eyes for sleep anymore. Wow. I know I even shouldn’t be telling anyone about it because it is so unique and it comes to everybody in another way and never through someone else. Nevertheless, I have to write this down to remind myself. Maybe even this doesn’t work because we can only live one moment once and have to relive and re-look, re-see, re-understand many times again until it becomes the only way we see.
I am so enormously thankful for this very special gift. This travel is challenging, it was from the beginning. Saying goodbye to my family nine months ago was very hard for me although I knew it was the way that was meant for me. I didn’t know what was coming or where we would be heading but I knew from deep inside that we had to leave. And that we wouldn’t be coming back to this life. It was a huge goodbye. And since then my small family has gone through big adventures, experiences, changes. The biggest change is probably that we adjusted our diet. I am very convinced now that this has been the stepping stone for new perspectives. For me same as for my husband, many truths eventually came to light. I don’t know how it is for my son, he might tell us one day. Or tomorrow.
Being in nature. Breathing the fresh air from the see. Watching sunrise and sunset. Listening to the birds singing. Eating what is growing in front of us, wild herbs, fruits. Eating with our hands. Walking. Resting. Watching.
I have no idea where all this is leading us. Well, that’s not true…deep inside I know we are where we are supposed to get to. But on the way, if and where we are going to settle down, alone or with people, in this country or another, sooner or later. I don’t have an answer. I can only say this is what we are going to do today. It is very exciting. It is our travel of life.
I am sitting in your back and I know your are crying. I am here with you. I am you. I cry. You are shaking, I am shaking. I feel currents of tears running through you – and I hold you. Your weakness lets me grow taller, wider, infinite. I am embracing you with all my heart, I carry you in my arms and while you are letting go I am receiving your call: make love. come home. I’ll bring you home, my love, and you will heal. That’s my call.